Tonight is the last night that my twinadoes are all mine. Tomorrow they start preschool and I have to share them. Share them with adults that will help teach my children, other children that will eventually become their friends, a time schedule that is no longer our own. On one hand I’m so excited for my twinadoes, they are going to expand their world, their knowledge, their sense of being. Then on the other hand, my babies are growing up, they are becoming more and more like little kids and less like little babies. Yes, I know they will always be my babies, but now it’s different.
This evening I walked past a wall where their six month pictures hang and I stood there and just stared at those two little faces. Where did those little babies go? Where did all that time go? No, I don’t want them to be stunted and not grow and become independent people, but I do want to be aware of all their stages. I want to be able to remember my babies, even when they are grown with babies of their own.
I read a post on a blog that I think summed up what so many of us mothers feel. She wrote about when our children are small and needy we just want time to ourselves to be able to go without hearing the unending “mommy, I need you”. But someday we will not have those little hands to hold or those glorious cheeks to kiss whenever we want, they will no longer look up to us as the one person that can solve all their problems and make everything better, we will only have the memories. And it’s then that we will wish to hear just one more time for them to call out to us that they need us.
I’m no different. I get tired of picking up the same mess over and over. I get frustrated from what seems to be the unending conveyer belt of lunch, diapers, snacks, potty breaks, spills, games of chase, etc… But in reality, I should be cherishing this.
So tomorrow when I send my twinadoes off to school I will smile and cheer them on and show them how truly proud I am, then after I walk away I will have a meltdown and mourn their big step that my mind knows is in the direction they need to go, but still makes my heart hurt. These tears have been shed my millions of other mothers sending their babies off to school, and will be shed by millions more after me. In no way does this mean I’m not ready to send them, it means I am human and love my twinadoes more than I ever thought possible. It means my mommy heart hurts knowing that this is a step, albeit a positive and very normal one, in the direction of them one day leaving my nest to start their own.
Once I get myself together, I will wipe away the tears and head to a nail salon for a pedicure. I will enjoy my three hours and then go pick up my twinadoes, kiss their oh so adorable faces and take them home to spend the rest of the day with together.